So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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