So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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