Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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