we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
