Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
