I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
