what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
