Moan for me like Helen Keller
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
