Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
