you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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