You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
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My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
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It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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