i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
