Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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