that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
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So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I need to calm my uterus...
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