I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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