Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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