I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
