get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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