Those balls look pretty dangerous.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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