even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
