remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
