dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Randomize
