When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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