If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
