just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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