she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
