Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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