Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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