Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Boobs are out for the taking
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Randomize
