I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
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