I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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