what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
wow bdsm is so cute
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
