apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Randomize
