3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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