1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
