Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
