your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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