somebody snuck up and got me drunk
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
