I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
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