So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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