I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
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