Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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