So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Randomize
