Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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