take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
