let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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