why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
