it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
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Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
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Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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