I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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