So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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