lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
