doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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