i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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