I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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