I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
