R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Randomize
