her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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