i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
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I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
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Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
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