JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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