So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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