pedialite and red bull = repair kit
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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