I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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