you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
