True but thats because hes a fetus.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
