so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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