why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
