I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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